Someone Like You
by The Romanticidal Edwardian
Summary: AU/AH. For self-sacrificing reasons, Bella decides to break up with Edward in the beginning of their senior year. But Edward decides that he isn't taking this one without a fight. Short story, just gonna be fluff really.
1. Chapter 1

_However far away, I will always love you.  
><em>_However long I stay, I will always love you.  
><em>_Whatever words I say, I will always love you.  
><em>_I will always love you._

_Love Song, _Adele (cover)

Shaking, I stood up and vacated to the Cullens' kitchen, a long, open, and now mostly dark room. The only light was coming from the bulbs turned on in the living room that managed to sneak their effervescence into the un-lit eatery, but that light was minimal considering its only method of access was through the obstacles of the doorway in the living room and the stretch of hallway that then met the opening into the kitchen.

My shaking hands clumsily opened a cabinet to grab a plastic cup (I wouldn't have dared to try my hand with a glass one right now) and I got myself some water from the fridge. I hurriedly gulped it down my dry throat, and then leaned my weight heavily against the counter in the darkest corner of the kitchen, trying to escape the sounds coming from the other room. I squeezed my eyes shut.

And I just knew he was behind me then.

"So when are you going to stop lying to me?" he seethed quietly.

His hands appeared on the counter on either side of mine, his chest only an inch or two away from my back. I knew because his breathing was very close. And it was not in any way relaxed.

I turned to face him, drawing in a deep breath for courage. He shifted away as I moved in order to maintain our chary distance.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked quietly through lips he barely opened. I tried not to look at his face, instead focusing on the blackness of his shirt.

"I already told you - " I started slowly.

"Stop. Just stop," he fumed, "if all you're going to do is just continue feeding me your bull - your made-up reason." In my peripheral vision I saw the skin of his throat flex and undulate as he swallowed and clenched his jaw.

I had to close my eyes for a second. Even when he was furious he wouldn't curse in front of me. It was strange to think the word 'cute' in this moment where I was in agony, with my love so close but so far away at my own request. God, how could I do this? How could I resist him?

I called upon my flimsy-at-best acting abilities.

"Listen," I said, carefully avoiding his face still, "I'm sorry you can't accept this, but I just don't - don't want to be with you anymore."

I felt a shift in his demeanor then, a dangerous tilt: for me. His hands gripped the counter top on either side of me more firmly.

"Is that so?" he murmured, his lips barely moving from their slight part. "Then _look_ at me."

I couldn't help but to obey, useless to do anything but stare up at his jewel-like eyes that were burning me with their ardency. His body was so close to mine without actually touching me that the moment we did the electricity bouncing between us would flare up and burn us both, no doubt.

His face started to lean down to mine then and I knew I should pull back, but I was frozen as my heart pounded and my breath shallowed out. His lips hovered an inch away, his breath mingling with mine. His eyes were half-lidded, alternating between glaring at my eyes and lips.

"Tell me to stop then," he breathed raggedly.

He moved in closer until his mouth was a hair breaths' way and I answered my earlier question. I could not resist him. I closed my eyes.

A few moments passed without anything happening, the only movement being the pounding of my heart and the rapid rise-and-fall of our chests. The light and noise coming from the teenagers in the other room seemed a million miles removed from our dark corner.

I finally opened my eyes to see his squeezed shut, a look of abject torture on his features.

"Why?" he breathed at last. "Why, Bella, why are you doing this to us?"

I couldn't say anything. If I did I would give myself away more than I already had. I wanted him so much in this moment, wanted his arms grabbing me, his mouth on my skin. His promised love whispering sweet things in my ear.

We never touched once by the time he moved away from me, and I gasped as if I'd been wrenched from the most hypnotic spell, resurfacing from the delusion of solitude I'd had while he'd been so close. He walked towards the kitchen's other exit to escape to the stairs, but before he left completely he stopped. Turning around, he fixed that piercing glare of his on me once more.

"When you're ready to tell me the truth," he said rather calmly, "You know where to find me."

And then he was gone as I collapsed against the counter under the weight of guilt and loneliness.

How had I gotten here?

* * *

><p>"Cutting it close Miss Swan," Mr. Weaver murmured as he passed back our last calc test.<p>

I mentally cringed when I saw the seventy-one, almost a 'D.'

Only September of my senior year and already I was managing to fall behind in this class.

"Ouch Bella," said Mike Newton, cringing too when he looked over my shoulder. If I had known he was going to look I would've tried to hide my abysmal score better. For some annoying reason Mike was excellent at math, but I kicked his butt in the English department any day. "This is only our second test."

"Don't remind me," I groaned, feeling distinctly inferior.

"You know, I'd be happy to help you with the homework," Mike offered. I didn't miss the dirty look Jessica Stanley shot me. "But," he grinned, "you have to help me with the King Lear essay in a few weeks."

I hesitated. Edward would not like this. But I had my reasons. "Sure," I smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

We arranged to meet next week after school in the library and then parted ways. Half-way to the lunchroom I encountered Edward in our usual rendezvous spot and we walked to lunch hand in hand.

Edward. My gorgeous, smart, gentlemanly, incredibly sweet and brilliant boyfriend. I have no idea what I did to deserve him. I must have saved an influential figure in history in a past alternative-universe life or something. Like MLK or JFK. Or Kurt Cobain.

"How was calculus?" Edward asked on our way to the lunchroom.

I paused before answering, mentally wincing over my poor test score. But I was hesitant about telling Edward about that. Not because he would think less of me but because it was hard not to think less about myself. When I said Edward was brilliant, I wasn't exaggerating. Academics were something he caught on to quickly and excelled at, along with athletics and music. He achieved and maintained perfect grades even though he was in all the advanced classes.

It wasn't that I was a poor academic. I was above average, but he was exceptional. And it was hard feeling unequal.

We would be applying to college soon and I knew Edward and his parents had high expectations on where he would go. And it wasn't far-fetched either that he would be accepted to most of them. Edward had begged me into promising that I would apply to the same places but I had my doubts on the merits of it. I had barely any extra-curriculars, my grades were only okay, and in lieu of volunteer hours I had gotten jobs instead. In other words, I was nothing special. I was not Ivy League material. But I promised anyway.

It hurt to imagine him leaving, going off without me. It was a reality I tried not to think about.

"It was fine," I shrugged. I figured I might as well tell him part of the truth though before he found out about it from someone else. He could get a little crazy sometimes. "I'm trying not to fall behind though, so Mike and I are going to study after school next week."

"What?" he snapped, holding the door open for me as we got to the cafeteria. "Why can't you study with me? I'm better at math than he is." His mouth twisted. He had his own personal vendetta against Newton and hated that he excelled at anything. They were on the same mathletes and track team too, which really irked Edward for some reason. I thought Mike was nice enough even though he used to hit on me when I first got here, but the very mention of him made Edward's lip curl.

I chose my words carefully. "If I were to study with you..." I decided to go something that wasn't the truth but wasn't untrue either, "I don't think I'd be able to concentrate properly. And it's really important for me to not fall behind. Don't you want me to go to Dartmouth with you or something?" I asked sardonically.

Edward pouted, but said nothing. I guess he couldn't come up with a counterargument that didn't make him sound unreasonable.

We stood in line and got our food in silence, but I was hopeful that he would forget about the whole thing when he put his arm around me at our lunch table, though I did notice that he pulled me tighter to him than normal.

"So are you guys excited for tonight?" Alice asked a little too excitedly herself, and then took a swig of the herbal tea she brought from home. Dr. Cullen, Edward and Alice's adoptive father, said that it might help relax her a little. "I know Edward is but he would never admit it to you guys."

"Alice," Edward muttered, then shook his head. "You guys are still coming right?" he asked a little shyly, which was rather uncharacteristic of him. The rest of our table mates nodded their heads enthusiastically. There was Alice's boyfriend, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, and Angela and Eric. We were kind of the unofficial senior couple table, with the exception of Jessica and Mike, but that was because they weren't always a couple.

It also might've been the way Edward had once asked Mike in front of Jessica how Lauren had responded to Mike's texts from the other night, or the time that Rosalie gave us a dissertation on the pros and cons on ProActiv, using Jessica as an example for how it doesn't work for _all_ oily skin, but for whatever reason neither of them wanted to sit with us anymore.

"We wouldn't miss it Edward," Angela beamed at him. "I even convinced my parents to let me stay out to eleven, which is kinda hard to do on a school night."

"Thank you," Edward said, genuinely touched. I squeezed his side, smiling up at him.

He looked down at me with emerald eyes and then raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth lifting. "Are you coming?" he asked teasingly.

"Hmm..." I considered to ponder that, then pulled out my phone to look at my calendar. "I don't know Edward, I'm kinda busy...those mines aren't going to sweep themselves, you know..."

He just rolled his eyes at my nonsensical antics because we both knew the truth. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

* * *

><p>At seven o'clock that night I was sitting on my front porch in a pair of nice jeans and a black mid-sleeve shirt, elbows resting on my knees. It was kind of chilly but the only jackets I owned were either baggy or poofy affairs, and I actually wanted to look decent tonight. It was important to Edward and I wanted to make a bit of an occasion out of it, even it didn't really matter what I was wearing.<p>

Down the street I could see the tell-tale bright xenon headlights of Edward's car coming down the street, and I stood, excited to get going.

Edward pulled up and I walked towards the passenger door to get in, but Edward was already out and beating me to it, opening the door for me. He looked amazing in black pants, a white t-shirt and an expensive and stylish grey cargo jacket. I made to get inside but Edward grabbed my arm, bringing me against his warm body.

"And where do you think you're going so quickly?" he asked, quirking that eyebrow of his.

And then his lips were on mine, his hands trailing down my arms to encircle my waist.

If I could, I would have Edward kiss me forever. I couldn't get enough of it. I didn't even care that my dad was in the house, very likely peeping out the window. Edward's lips were soft and sweetly moving against mine, gently opening them to press his tongue against my own. He was the sweetest candy, the most addictive supplement. We responded so perfectly and naturally to one another, which was maybe because we learned from each other, but it felt like something more. Like we were made to be together like this.

Without meaning to, the kiss got heated quickly, Edward's hands trailing questionably low on my body while my hands kneaded against his chest and in his already-wild copper hair.

A car driving by honked and we jumped apart, startled.

Edward cleared his throat, trying to recapture his breath, and gestured me inside the car, trying to act less ruffled than he looked. I giggled, face red and breath short as well, getting in.

The ride to Port Angeles always took at least forty-five minutes, but the time often flew by too quickly for my liking when Edward and I were together. If we ever ran out of topics to discuss, we always enjoyed the question game, a chance to get to know each other even better.

"What would you rather be, happy or successful?" he asked.

"Well, to me that's the same thing," I answered. "I think you're only successful in life if you're happy."

He frowned contemplatively.

"What would you rather be?" I asked.

"Happy," he said. "I guess my definition of success is a little more textbook, you know - good job, money, security."

"Doesn't sound so bad," I joked.

"It sounds empty," he murmured, staring off at the road. His thumb ran across the skin of the back of my hand.

I rolled my eyes. "You only say that because you've grown up in the lap of luxury your whole life," I laughed. "You would be trading happiness in a second if you ever had to, I don't know, buy knock-off jeans or something."

"Thanks," he said sarcastically. "I'm glad your opinion of me is so high."

"Call it like I see it babe." I paused in horror. "Holy crow, am I starting to sound like _Emmett?"_

He laughed at that and then moved on to another question.

Not too much later we arrived in Port Angeles and parked at our destination. It was a sizeable but cozy coffee shop, known in the area for allowing amateur musicians to play on weekday nights. It had taken a little while, but we had all finally convinced Edward that he should at least try it once after I had seen him staring at the advertising flyer on the wall every time we'd come here.

He slowed us down as we approached the coffee house, staring at it unsurely.

"Are you _nervous_?" I asked him incredulously, looking up at him.

"Well yeah," he laughed hesitantly, running a hand through his crazy hair. "I'm not made out of stone you know."

"You have nothing to be nervous about though," I said confidently. "You are going to be amazing, and it is going to be the privilege of everyone in there tonight to hear and watch you play."

He stared at me, his eyes brimming with emotion. His crooked smile appeared, albeit a little subdued. "What would I do without you?" he asked quietly, pulling me to him to kiss my forehead. I wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug, sliding under the guitar strapped to his back.

"Now go in there," I instructed to his chest, "And be the next Thom Yorke or Chris Martin."

Edward laughed, rolling his eyes. "As long as we're not making this into more than it is."

Walking inside, we met up with Alice and Jasper sitting at a table near the small stage in the back corner. "You're going to do great!" Alice reaffirmed to her step-brother, absently patting his shoulder as she looked around for the manager so Edward could get started.

"You have nothing to worry about," Jasper agreed in the soothing way that he had, grinning confidently at his male friend. "If it makes you feel better, there's only like ten people in here anyway, so if you suck, no one will be any the wiser."

"That's the spirit," Emmett laughed as he and Rose walked up to us, having just arrived. It startled me a little, even though I had heard the jingling bell sound behind me when the door had opened. It went off again and I was a little more prepared when Eric and Angela came up, a little out of breath.

"What!" Eric yelped as they approached us. "We thought we were late and ran here from the car so we wouldn't miss anything and you're just sitting here chitter-chattering!" He was very accusing as he pointed his finger at Edward. "I declare shenanigans."

Edward didn't get a chance to respond before the manager came up to greet him and get him started. We fell back into our table and I watched as Edward set up. Then I looked around at my immediate circle of friends.

My life now would've been unrecognizable to me even a year ago. It felt surreal as I sat against the wall and observed at how they all casually interacted with each other, talking, laughing, joking. It looked so effortless and I wondered how I became a part of this world when I had always been alone and hadn't expected it to change when I moved. But everything had changed. When I met _him_.

My eyes drifted back to Edward again, tuning his guitar carefully even though it was nearly perfect anyway. He played a few notes on the small piano as well and I could tell by the slight down curve of his mouth that he was comparing this upright to his gorgeous and formidable baby grand at home. I laughed softly to myself. And then it struck me how much I knew about him, a person who in all realistic respects and in any other reality I should know nothing of, and I was humbled back into silence.

And then he began to play.

There may have only been ten other people in the shop besides us, but they all stopped to watch him play song after song. He was mesmerizing, and I was clearly not the only one who appreciated the way his eyebrows would furrow when he reached a more difficult note, or the soulful timbre of his voice, or the beauty in his long, elegant fingers firmly strumming the guitar or gently pressing into the keys of the piano.

For over an hour he played, and unbidden, thoughts floated around in my head that had plagued me for as long as we'd been together. He was perfect and desirable in every way and had so much to offer. I had nothing. I watched him with ever-increasing certainty that I did not deserve this, or him.

At last, he leaned into the microphone for the last song. "This is the last song for me tonight, and it's for someone special," he murmured, and then his fingers strummed familiar chords that instantly had me gasping, as Alice looked around at me with a smirk and Angela a sweet smile.

"_Honey, you are a rock,  
>Upon which I stand.<br>And I come here to talk.  
>I hope you understand.<em>

_That brown eyes,  
>Yeah the spotlight, shines upon you.<br>And how could, anybody, deny you?  
>I came here with a load<br>And it feels so much lighter now I met you.  
><em>

_And honey you should know,  
>That I could never go on without you.<em>

_Brown eyes..."_

It completely did not escape me that he had changed green eyes to brown in his rendition of Coldplay's "Green Eyes."

He continued the song, picking up the pace and singing the long notes with more soul than he had all night, which was remarkable in itself. He glanced up at me intermittently, grinning a little at whatever wonder my expression undoubtedly held.

And when he finished, everyone in the house clapped enthusiastically, a few girls letting out wistful sighs.

* * *

><p>The ride home was quiet on both our ends. I had congratulated and fawned over Edward enough that his silence was contemplative on the performance, and he didn't notice that mine was much more solemn as I thought.<p>

It hit me more than ever that Edward belonged to the world; not to me, a nobody.

He could ace every math test, sing any girl into a swoon, make it into the Olympics if he wanted with his running. He was going to whatever college he wanted and he was going to do whatever he wanted with his life because he could.

I was none of those things. And I never would be. All I had to offer anybody was myself, and that seemed woefully weak, all things considered. All I had was all I was and it was not enough. Especially for him.

He was wasting his time with me.

It hit me just like that. The thought flitted across my mind verbatim and I was struck with the truth of it so hard that it almost knocked the breath out of me. I did stop breathing for a second, and I felt Edward glance over at me. I forced myself to relax.

But he was wasting his time with me.

* * *

><p>There are some thoughts that once you think them, you can not unthink them. And this thought would not leave me.<p>

_He deserves more than you._

* * *

><p>Edward dropped me off, walking me to the door.<p>

"Thank you," I whispered. "I loved that song."

"I know." He smiled his crooked grin at me and I smiled back sadly. His brow furrowed. "What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

I sucked in my breath. I just wanted one more night of happiness, though it was cruel. But was it so much to ask for?

I controlled my inner turmoil. "Nothing," I said, smiling. "Just...in awe of you."

He smiled, pulling me closer. "I'm always in awe of you," he said quietly as his lips neared mine.

And for the next few minutes I forced myself to forget about anything except for the feeling of Edward's hands on my skin, his hard body forcing mine to meld to it, and the irresistible sin of stealing his kisses. I ran my hands through his hair for the last time and kissed him like I loved him more than anything. Which I did. He responded to my passion just as thoroughly, though I'm sure he misconstrued its origin. My name escaped his lips in a sigh between these stolen embraces of flesh and I could've cried.

He finally pulled away, kissing my cheek and muttering his regret at having to get home. I watched his departure with a heavy heart and then went inside. Once I closed the door I leaned against it, holding my hands against my eyes.

"Bella?" Charlie said as he walked around the corner on his way to bed. "Are you okay?"

"Not for long," I muttered.

* * *

><p>The next day, I somehow managed to keep my composure at school, and my distance from <em>him<em>. I was relieved it was at least Friday, so I would have the weekend to pull myself together. Edward seemed confused by my behavior and I felt another pang of guilt in my already miserable gut.

I knew he did love me, even if it was just a high school, first love. But I convinced myself that his feelings would fade. After all, when he went to college he would be around people just like him, of his own caliber. And he would meet someone who made him forget all about me. I winced at the very thought but told myself it was for the best.

This had to happen.

And yet, all day I was trying to talk myself out of it.

_How awkward is it going to be for the next year? You have all the same friends!_ Well, I had lived most of my life without friends. I could do it again.

_You love him! He loves you! I'm failing to see the real issue here. Why do this to yourselves?_ Loving someone meant wanting the best for them. And I was not the best for him. I could see that, and one way or another, sooner or later, he would see that too.

_What are you going to do when you run into his dad? _Dr. Cullen and I were frequent companions at my routine trips to the hospital. But I guess it would just have to a be a professional relationship. Or I could get a new doctor. But my heart was sad. I loved both his parents, and I didn't want to lose their affection.

It felt like I was losing so much more than just him, as if losing him wasn't bad enough.

_He deserves more than you._

I just had to keep reminding myself of that.

School ended and I drove home, but made a quick pit stop first for something I would no doubt need later.

Finally arriving home, I pulled out my phone in my bedroom and took several deep breaths, my hands suddenly shaking and my heart pounding. As cowardly as it was I couldn't break up with him to his face. If I had to watch his reaction and tell him I didn't want to be with him _to _him, I wasn't sure I wouldn't break.

After about half an hour of just staring at the phone, trying to calm down, I admitted defeat and called his number anyway.

"Hello," he answered, sounding way too happy to hear from me. I knew this was going to be hard, but the reality of the struggle in front of me was too much to simply _know_ when faced with dealing with it.

"Hi," I responded nervously.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, picking up on my tone immediately.

"Umm...I just..." I had no idea how to say this... "I have no idea how to say this so I'm just going to say it I guess...It's just that I've been thinking a lot lately and I...just think..."

"Wait," he interrupted, "Is this about applying to the Ivy Leagues again? Because I'm telling you Bella, you could definitely get in, there's really no reason - "

"We should break up," I blurted out.

Dead silence.

"What?" There was no emotion in the word.

"I...think we should break up," I repeated, cringing as I said the words.

More dead silence.

"And why is this?" The voice on the other line was so politely detached I almost wondered if he'd understood me and then realized he probably had.

"I just...don't want to be with you anymore I guess. I just don't see it going anywhere, and honestly I don't want to waste our time." I hated myself more with every word that came out of my mouth.

"It just seems rather strange. That's not what you were saying yesterday."

"Well I've been thinking about it a lot," I said, trying to explain my abrupt behavior. "I just hadn't decided to act on it yet."

His detached demeanor broke, and suddenly he was pleading with me. "I don't believe you," he said desperately. "What is this about Bella? Please talk to me, I know this can't be how you really feel. Is this about the other night? Was the song too much? I didn't think it would be but you know sometimes I don't see things the way other people might..."

"Stop," I said, louder than I meant to, but only because it was killing me to hear him so vulnerable over this. "It's not about that. I just don't want you anymore, and there's nothing to talk about."

Silence again.

"So you're breaking up with me _over the phone?" _he demanded to know, his voice cold enough to send a chill through me.

"Y-yes?" My voice sounded small even to my own ears.

Silence.

"Fine," he finally said, his voice almost scary calm. "I guess we're broken up then. Have a good weekend. I'll see you Monday." It sounded as much of a threat as a promise, and then he hung up.

The worst conversation of my life had probably spanned two minutes at best, but I watched my world break in that short time period.

Picking up the package I had picked up on the way home, I put the CD in my computer.

There was only one thing for this. Curl up in a fetal position, cry, and listen to Adele's new album on repeat for the rest of the weekend.

* * *

><p>I considered my earlier thought that I must've saved someone influential in history to deserve Edward. Maybe I had saved someone, but obviously it was someone who had earned me this curse to find happiness and then let it go. Like Hitler or Idi Amin Dada. Or Courtney Love.<p>

* * *

><p>This was going to be a one-shot, but you know I get carried away, so now it will be a short story. Pretty short. I hope. Please review, and I will update faster. A good portion of the next segment is written already.<p>

- _The Romanticidal Edwardian_


	2. Chapter 2

_Fate,  
><em>_Up against your will  
><em>_Through thick and thin  
><em>_He will wait until  
><em>_You give yourself to him._

_The Killing Moon, _Echo & The Bunnymen

I woke up on Monday morning at six sharp with a feeling like a pit of dread sitting heavily in my abdomen, but I stared at the ceiling, confused as to why it was there. Was there a test I had forgotten about? Homework that had gone undone?

And then I remembered that it was so much worse than that.

For a moment, the pain and fear of the upcoming day immobilized me and I continued to stay in bed, my breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps. I couldn't do this. I couldn't face him. But I would have to at some point right? Unless...unless I could beg Charlie to transfer me to some other school in the area, even if it would be an hour drive everyday. I could do that. That'd be fine. I'd just have to get a second job to help pay for the gas but I could manage that. It would take my mind off things anyway...

I had so thoroughly convinced myself that I could live this alternative life that when I finally got out of bed and started to get dressed, I was convinced I was going to be enrolled in another school before noon today and I would never have to face Edward again.

But when I finally made my way downstairs and saw Charlie sitting at the table, eating his cereal and reading the newspaper, I knew deep down it was no good.

I got a cereal bar out of the cabinet and sat down across from him, so nervous that my hands were shaking uncontrollably as I tried to unwrap the plastic packaging.

My neurotic mood must have finally alerted Charlie to the fact that something was up and he glanced at me from around his newspaper. Then he did a double take.

Did I look as bad as I felt?

"Is everything okay Bells?" my dad asked, his eyes concerned but tinged with the slight fear of having to potentially handle a teenage girl's problems.

"I um - " Christ even my voice was shaken as I glanced the clock, my fate ticking closer every second. "Dad could I get transferred to a different school? Like, today?"

This forced Charlie to actually set down the paper.

"Why?" His brow furrowed, probably jumping to the worst possible conclusion. Sexual abuse, physical threats against my life, etc...

I swallowed. "It's just that - " Well he'd find out sooner or later, and if I told him later he would think I was hiding stuff from him, which never led to pleasant conversations. It wasn't necessarily his business what was going on intimately in my love life, at least I thought so. But I didn't think he would agree. "Edward and I broke up. Well, I broke up with him, and I just think it would be better if I never had to come in contact with him again."

"You want to change schools because you broke up with a boy?" Charlie asked incredulously. I grit my teeth against correcting him over his label of Edward as just _'a boy.'_ Charlie hesitated before he asked something that was directly leading him into teenage girl drama-land, which had to be more terrifying than anything he'd ever encountered in all his years on the police force. "Why did you break up with him?"

I shrugged, not wanting to answer that question either honestly or untruthfully.

Charlie's mouth twisted as he thought about what to say. He had never been Edward's biggest fan but that was just because he didn't like the idea of me having a boyfriend. And then he really began to hate him when he suspected, pretty spot-on, that we had started sleeping together over the past summer. He had no real proof except his cop-like observance so he had had to be passive-aggressive about it, but Charlie did sit me down for the most awkward safe-sex chat between a father and daughter there ever was. So I suspected Charlie was feeling pretty torn about this news. On the one hand, now I wouldn't be having sex with anyone. On the other hand, I would now most likely engage in carnal acts with someone else in the future and I think Charlie would've preferred the damage been as contained to one area as possible.

"Well, you know life happens that way sometimes," Charlie finally muttered. "If something's not right, you got to cut your losses and move on, even if it's not easy. It'll be okay kiddo. You can get through it. Trust me when I say running away isn't going to help anything. So no, you're not getting transferred."

And then the newspaper went back up.

"What if it is right but you still cut your losses?" I whispered, unable to contain it.

Charlie's face with a 'this-is-way-over-my-head' expression once again emerged from the black-and-white pages.

"If it's right it will work out," he said dodgily, and then ducked for cover under his newspaper again after muttering that I should call my mother.

Conceding that this was the most sage advice I was going to get from him today, I grabbed my bag and began my death march to my truck, taking a deep breath for courage.

The first thing my eyes zeroed in on when I pulled into the Forks High parking lot was the fact that the silver Volvo that was Edward's car was already there, which meant that _he_ was there.

I sat in my truck for a few minutes, delaying by fiddling with the keys before I admitted defeat to the inevitable and got out.

It was a drizzly day, but that was more Washington weather than pathetic fallacy. I pulled my jacket's hood up and ducked my head as I walked through the misty rain, torn between my want to get under cover and wanting to stay as far away from the building _he_ inhabited.

"Hey Bella!"

I immediately froze, even though I knew the voice wasn't owned by any of my immediate circle of friends. Somehow I wondered if the news of our break-up had spread already, and I was dreading the inevitable questioning.

Mike jogged up next to me. "We still on for after school today?" he asked.

It seemed surreal to me to be having this first normal, non-Edward related conversation since Friday. "Yeah, of course," I answered. Any other day I would've tried to follow it up with a witty joke but I couldn't seem to muster it up. Still, if I kept talking to Mike, I would at least look like I was acting normally, and it would also distract me until I had to go to my first class which, unfortunately, had Edward in it. Usually we went to our first class together way before the bell rang and waited in there. I wasn't sure if he would continue on doing that now and didn't particularly care to find out yet.

"So, how was your weekend?" I asked nervously, glancing at my watch. I had fifteen minutes to kill.

"Oh, it was good you know," Mike answered, sounding surprised that I was elongating our conversation instead of rushing off. "Told myself I was going to do some homework on Saturday, ended up doing it last night at eleven - the usual." He grinned and I forced myself to laugh, too distracted to really get into it.

"That's cool, I like to do it Friday night so I don't have to worry about it the rest of the weekend..."

"Yeah I always tell myself I'm going to do that and then it unhappens," he smiled, sweeping a hand through his hair. It was a characteristic Edward move and I think everyone was aware that was who Mike got it from. It sent a wince through me. "You do anything exciting?" he asked.

"Mike think about who you're talking to," I muttered, shaking my head. "I never do anything exciting."

"I don't know, don't you and Edward usually go out?" I noticed he was unable to prevent himself from making a slight face at the very mention of his name.

I just shook my head, my throat closing up. "Not always," I murmured.

My fifteen minutes were almost up, so I bid good-bye to Mike and walked to first period with my heart pounding.

Suddenly the idea of ditching school, which I had never seriously considered before, seemed quite appealing.

"Don't be a coward," I whispered to myself outside the door.

But I did wait until the room was almost full before going in.

Against my will, my eyes went straight to him as soon as I walked in though I knew that could potentially end in disaster. He was sitting there in a black sweater and dark blue jeans, looking as delectable as ever, but his expression was more brooding and severe than usual, which was saying something. He twitched as I opened the door but he did not look around, which I was grateful for.

I took the long way to my seat, around the back, so I did not have to pass in front of him.

Unfortunately, having started the year as a couple, we had taken up seats right next to each other, and to move now would be to take someone else's self-designated chair.

God, when did teachers stop making kids sit in alphabetical order?

I very carefully avoided looking in his direction at all as I sat down, tapping my pen nervously. I could feel his eyes glance at me now and again but he was refraining from flat-out staring.

This was ridiculous. We had most classes together and sat together in all of them. It was unrealistic to pretend I would never talk to him again and I figured the longer I waited to do so, the more awkward it would be.

"Hi," I said, to his desk top.

"Hello." His voice was coldly polite.

"How um - " I was going to ask him how his weekend was, but I stopped knowing that would be a stupid question. I flubbed, casting wildly in my mind for a question that wouldn't have an awkward answer. I came up with nothing, and just went back to wishing fervently for class to start, hoping he hadn't heard me.

I saw him shaking his head out of the corner of my eye and I blushed, feeling like an idiot.

I did help my conviction a little bit though. Obviously, he was much better than me. I'm sure if the situation were reversed - well, it would never be reversed, because he would never have any reason to feel ashamed of himself.

I felt my mood darken and I just stared down at my notebook, brows furrowed as class finally began.

The next few classes were similar exercises in torture. But when fourth period ended, I caught Edward outside of class. He turned around, unable to hide his surprised expression quick enough for me to miss it before his stony face came back.

"Yes?" he asked, taking a deep inhale.

"Listen," I began. "Whatever, um, our feelings are now, I still care about you Edward. And obviously we're still going to be in each others lives, at least for the next year. So, you know, I'm sure you're still angry or upset or...but I really do want us to still be friends like we were before we were um..."

It killed me to say this. To be around him and not have him would be hell. But I had finally realized over the course of the morning that he was in my life regardless of whether either of us wanted it right now (I really wasn't sure what his feelings were; it was hard to read him like I normally could and I didn't want to assume anything) so I figured I might as well take what I could get.

He stared down at me and I made myself look back, the first real eye contact we'd had all day. Now that I looked at him up close, I could see the shadows under his eyes and that his hair was actually more messed up than usual. And were his eyes red or just bloodshot?

Regardless, he was still the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. I bit my lip under his intense stare.

His head started to shake from side to side. "I still don't understand what happened," he said quietly. "But I'm going to be honest - I can't go back to _before_. I can't be just your friend. I need all of you." He glared at the floor. "If you really do still care about me, then respect that I can't_. _Having part of you is worse than having none."

For a moment as he looked up I could see the hurt in his eyes, but then he was turning around and walking away.

I wanted to call it off; I wanted to run to him and get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness and pretend that deep down I didn't know that he deserved better. But I did know that, and I couldn't forget it, so instead I just went to the girl's bathroom to get my tears out before arriving to be fifth period, very late.

But I think my red eyes stopped Mr. Weaver from giving me grief.

* * *

><p>I did not go to lunch. I had no idea whose side my friends were on, and I was terrified to find out. Especially Alice. She was my best friend, and if she hated me for breaking up with her brother...I couldn't bare it.<p>

So, coward by nature, I took refuge in the library, getting a start on my stupid math homework so Mike would have some basis to start helping me this afternoon.

I only had gym with Angela in seventh period; none of my other friend's schedules matched up with mine, so unless I searched them out I wouldn't have to face them yet.

After about fifteen minutes of trying to do calculus, I gave up, my head filled with Edward's words from this morning.

I put my head down on the table, haunted by him, as I knew I would be for the rest of my life. Might as well get used to it.

* * *

><p>In P.E., we had to stay inside due to the rain and ended up playing volleyball.<p>

I was petrified as Angela sidled up next to me to be my partner.

"Hey," she smiled, putting her hands together to be ready to hit the ball. "I missed you at lunch."

I let out the breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. Of course Angela wouldn't treat me any different. It made me feel silly to think otherwise. For the first time today, I didn't feel quite so awful.

"Yeah," I answered. "I just - "

She nodded empathetically. "Yeah, Alice told me about you and Edward."

I swallowed, wanting to ask what Alice had said about it specifically, but I was too scared to ask for fear of what the answer would be.

"You know," she went on, "If you want to talk about it, I'm always here, but there's no pressure."

I had never been so fond of Angela as I was in this moment.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. "Honestly, you've made me feel as good as I have all day."

She nodded. "I'll be honest though, I was really surprised to hear it." She looked at me in a way that made me feel like she could see right through me, unencumbered by subjectivity. "You don't look happy."

I shrugged, following the ball's movement with my eyes so I wouldn't have to meet her gaze.

"Whenever you want to talk," she reminded, and then went back to concentrating on the ball too.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week followed pretty much the same routine, except it got worse when people finally noticed that Edward and I weren't together, and then the whispers started about how we had broken up. There were a whole bunch of theories as to why. It just proved how little news there ever was in this town. But then again, in any school people were aware of well-founded relationships, and their inevitable ends were talked about too. But just not with this high intensity.<p>

"So you and Cullen are over now then?" Mike asked Wednesday afternoon.

"Yeah," I muttered, feeling even more weighed down than normal.

"That sucks," he said, being surprisingly sensitive. "It always does when any long-term relationship ends. Are you okay?"

I looked up, rather touched. "I'll be fine," I lied. "Thanks."

"If you ever need anyone to talk to..." he offered, putting his hand on my shoulder. As a general rule, I really wasn't too comfortable with people touching me, with a few notable exceptions. Mike wasn't one of them. So I casually shrugged his hand off and asked a question about the problem we were in the middle of.

He scooted his chair closer to mine to point out a previous aspect of the problem that was coming into play now and the topic was dropped.

* * *

><p>On Thursday, I saw Alice for the first time. We were across a courtyard from each other and our eyes ended up meeting.<p>

I looked away quickly, but was unable to keep from looking back. I was met with her tiny glare.

Feeling my heart break more than it already had, I rushed on.

* * *

><p>I had barely slept at all that week.<p>

By Friday, I was mentally and physically _done_. Sixth period was the worst of it, having to share a lab table with Edward in chem class. We were physically closer than at any other time but our emotional distance made the whole hour a trying experience.

As our teacher began his lecture, the lights went off to properly show the overhead.

The allure of sleep was too tempting, and I put my head down to write my notes.

And the next thing I knew, the bell was ringing.

I snapped up, everyone in the room bustling about and getting their things. Edward was almost done and I risked sneaking a peek at him. To my surprise, he did not look sad or angry or hurt or any of the other emotions I had seen on his face this past week. He looked...oddly triumphant. He exited the room after giving me a lingering glance that left me with a chill.

I was confused by it as I went to pack up my own belongings, and then saw a folded note in front of my notebook.

My hand started to shake as I unfolded it, recognizing Edward's elegant penmanship immediately.

_I knew you were lying to me._

_P.S. Have I reminded you lately that you mutter in your sleep?_

* * *

><p>Please drop me a review. I was overwhelmed by your guys amazing response to my silly little story and would very much like to continue to be overwhelmed.<p>

_- The Romanticidal Edwardian_


	3. Chapter 3

_I think I'll pace my apartment a few times  
><em>_and fall asleep on the couch,  
><em>_and wake up early to black and white reruns  
><em>_that escaped from the mouth.  
><em>_All I wanted was you._

All I Wanted, by Paramore

"Dad?" I started on Monday morning, staring into my cereal bowl like it had all the answers.

"Hm," he grunted, reading the paper.

"Have you had any like, serial killers in your interview room?" I asked casually. He glanced up, looking alarmed. "Or just really good liars?"

"I've had some liars, yes," he started carefully, folding his newspaper as he stared at me, probably wondering what I was getting at here.

"Well, how do they lie so convincingly? Or how can you tell when they are lying?" He stared at me, so I just blurted out why I was asking. "How can I lie to be believable?"

"Bella you're concerning me," Charlie said gruffly. "Is this about that boy again?"

"Never mind," I muttered, going back to my cereal. After a few more long moments of staring, Charlie returned to his morning ritual as well.

I gulped as my phone buzzed. I pulled it out, my heart racing as I read the text message I'd just been sent.

**From: Edward Loveofmylife Cullen**

Hmm. I'd been meaning to erase that but somehow just hadn't gotten around to it.

_Good morning. I trust you didn't sleep well because you miss me._

I sighed, burying my head in my hands. This was not the first text like it that I had received over the weekend. I didn't respond to it. Again. I shoved it into my pocket and resisted the urge to pull it out when it vibrated against my thigh a few seconds later.

"And I still can't switch schools?" I asked the newspaper hopefully.

"No Isabella!"

Oops.

* * *

><p>Edward's car wasn't there when I pulled up to school. This caused simultaneous relief and panic. If he wasn't here I wouldn't have to face him. But not knowing when he <em>was<em> here would allow him to show up unexpectedly and catch me with my guard down.

"Hey Bells."

"Hey Mike," I said distractedly. Mike had adopted this practice of walking me into school at the end of last week and since I didn't really have any reason to object, I didn't stop him. Besides, the company was kind of nice in a backwards way.

"How was your weekend?" he asked conventionally. We stopped under an awning as we stepped onto the campus.

I shrugged. He wanted to really know as much as I wanted to tell him. "Fine. How was yours?"

"Great," he said excitedly. "I hung out with Tyler and we ran across a trailer for a new movie coming out this Friday. It looks really cool and right now I'm looking for people to come with me - "

"What movie?" asked a light, easy voice with about a thousand viles of poison laced through it. I froze as I felt him walk up next to me.

"Oh um..." Mike was glaring at the sidewalk, clearly not wanting to be telling Edward anything. "Just some dystopian drama - " I looked up, startled, to see Mike grinning at me. I had no idea Mike knew what 'dystopian' even meant, much less that he was prepared to casually use it in a sentence, " - with a little bit of action and romance. Sounded like fun for everyone."

Edward nodded, a small smile on his face as his eyes lingered on mine. "I'm in. Let me know when we're going, okay Bella?" He casually touched my arm and a shock went through us that sent a flinch through me.

Edward recovered quicker than I did. "I'll see you in class Swan," he said, smiling lazily at me. But his eyes. Oh, they were dangerous as he loped away.

"O - okay," I breathed out even though at that point he was way out of earshot. My mouth stayed gaped as I relived that brief touch in my mind and the static that still tingled my arm. Eventually Mike muttered something about getting back to me about the movie and walked away, disgruntled. I hardly noticed.

I realized quickly that it was going to be a different exercise in torture now than last week. Last week, on top of my pain, I had to watch Edward's - which hurt me infinitely more. His perfect face was brooding angry while his eyes gave away how sad he was. When I first met him, he looked almost like that. But it was worse last week - and I had done it to him.

This week, however, not only did I have to deal with my continuous pain still, but I had to deal with Edward at his most irresistible. He was charming, laughing, and would not let me escape his attention or gaze. He reminded me with every glance or clever word why I fell in love with him - and damn it all to hell if I didn't hate him a little bit for how hard he was making this. Couldn't he see this was for the best? Couldn't he just leave me in miserable peace?

Apparently not.

I had thought that at lunch I could escape the torture of being class with him by taking my now-normal refuge in the library. I put my head down to try to make up for the rest I was habitually missing at night. And was quickly interrupted by the sound of a chair scraping against the linoleum as it was pulled out next to me.

_Kill me now_, I internally groaned before begrudgingly raising my head to meet Edward's handsome, controlled face.

"Yes?" I asked a little testily. When he was acting miserable there was no way I could summon up any anger except at myself. But having to watch him laugh and talk normally to people all damn day gave me permission, I felt, to feel annoyed.

"You did not answer my text messages this weekend," he said, eyes narrowing. He leaned in close, too close for me to move away without making it obvious what I was doing. And I was done showing weakness. Clearly that had been a mistake.

"So?" I muttered, lowering my eyes to my prop-textbook open on the table. "I don't owe you anything."

"I thought that you said you still wanted to be friends," he said slowly. "And perhaps I was too hasty in rejecting that offer."

I bit my tongue. His messages had not contained any purely _friendly_ content and I knew what game he was playing. But if I said anything, that would be like setting the timer on a bomb. It would blow up in my face to bring up the issue.

"Well you did reject the offer," I pointed out. "So why did I have to respond to anything?"

He appraised me, raising his head a little higher. His arm casually fell across the back of my chair, his jacket touching my back.

"You're right of course," Edward agreed. "But now I would like to take up the offer if it still stands. Does it?"

I looked into those jewel eyes of his. I thought of the first time they closed as he leaned in to kiss me, his hand tentatively touching the small of my back to bring me closer, his other hand raising to cup my cheek, the perfect first kiss I'd always dreamed of that everyone told me was not likely to happen. But Edward had never been likely to happen.

"Bella," he murmured, his eyes never leaving mine.

I swallowed. "Yes," I whispered back, both responding to his previous question and answering his current summon.

His throat flexed as he swallowed too. "Remember to tell me when we're going to that movie," he said finally. He stood up then but didn't move, looking down at me expectantly.

With a bit of impatience, Edward gestured me to rise as well.

"What?" I asked unsurely, slowly pushing my chair back as I raised to my feet.

A little awkwardly, he took a step closer and wrapped his arms around me, giving me a hug. "Friends do this," he pointed out, but he didn't pull me closer. I was glad in a way. Wrapping my arms around his warm, solid waist was heaven and hell all at once. God I missed him so much. I squeezed me eyes shut to enjoy the moment before I had to let him go. He didn't fight it when I did, letting his arms drop too.

"I'll see you in bio," Edward sighed before turning to walk away.

He only got a few feet away before I burst out with - "Wait!"

He stopped and then turned his head to look at me. "Yes?" he asked, startled.

I glared at the floor, my mouth twisted. "What did I say?" I eventually said. "Last week in bio when I fell asleep - what did I say?"

At first, Edward did nothing but stare at me. But then his lips twisted up into his infamous crooked grin. "Oh. Wouldn't you like to know," he answered silkily, and continued to walk away.

* * *

><p><em>It's easier to be alone, <em>I decided that evening.

I was sitting outside of a cafe-bakery in downtown Port Angeles on their patio. Edward and I had gone here on occasion when we wanted a more casual date. I loved their food and the relaxed atmosphere and was hoping by coming here I would be able to recapture some of the peace I'd felt before. Dealing with Edward in bio had been grueling. He just kept _talking_ to me, smiling at me, and staring at me when he didn't think I would notice. I did not know how to handle this Edward anymore than I knew how to last week and I was getting mightily confused.

I stretched out all my belongings across the table, not having to worry about anyone else's space being crowded.

The sun had set early and car headlights disrupted the quiet darkness of my peripheral vision. Every once in a while a parked car's owner would return and they would pull out, their headlights shining on me accusingly, asking me why I was here alone. I glared down into my text book as I jabbed a forkful of salad into my mouth; given that I didn't have to talk to anybody, I didn't care if I kept eating.

The city lights were beautiful though. Two tables away a couple with their young son ate and laughed, the father listening attentively to his boy's stories while the mother chuckled along. Their eyes would meet intermittently with warmth.

My phone sat next to me, in case...Charlie called. I would see a red light blinking at me when I got a message or a call. My eyes glanced at it every once in a while but the alert light never flashed. Well, at least that meant I would be able to concentrate.

Inside, a group of friends, two girls and a boy sat on the other side of the clear glass. I couldn't help but to glance over at them from time to time. There were buoyant with private laughs shared, homework being done, and an altogether distracting atmosphere being produced. One of the girls had jet black hair, the same shade as Alice's.

A cool wind shivered past me, raising goose bumps. I closed my eyes. Yes, it was easier to be alone I decided. But it was not as rewarding.

* * *

><p>The next day I was walking to class when I saw Alice coming in my direction on the other side of the hall. Our eyes met briefly and I flushed with embarrassment before dropping my eyes again. It was just so hard reconciling the thought that we weren't friends anymore.<p>

I kept my head down as her shiny black Mary Janes passed my beat-up generic converses, and out of the corner of my eye I saw her torso turn in my direction.

"Screw you," she said loudly and kept walking.

I was so shocked I stumbled to a stop. It caught me off guard enough that before I could think about what I was doing I was turning toward her treating figure.

"_What?_" I yelled to her.

She came to a halt then too, her back straight, before pivoting to face me, her eyes glaring all kinds of daggers. "You heard me," she snarled.

My pain ignited my anger. "No," I snapped back, taking a step forward. "Screw _you!_ Look, just because I broke up with your brother doesn't mean you get to treat me like this! I thought we were friends but I guess - "

"What?" she interrupted sharply. "_I'm_ treating _you_ like this? I thought we were friends too but as soon as you two break up you stop talking to me. You know, only hanging around me for him? That's fudged up Bella. Why didn't you just slap me in the face while you were at it."

"What?" It was my turn to stare blankly. "Of _course_ I didn't hang out with you just for him! You're my best friend and I love you! I just thought that well...you would take his side. And the first time I saw you, you were glaring..."

"Because you've been avoiding me like the plague!" she yelled. We were still several feet from each other, having this strange talk across the hall and we were starting to garner some attention. "You haven't talked to me at all or even tried to! What am I suppose to think?"

"Oh." In retrospect, I realized how this had all gotten so misconstrued. My eyes watered as I realized what a fool I had been, to lack such faith in the best friend I've ever had. "Oh Alice..." I whispered. I held my arms out for a hug.

She looked back at me for a second, unmoving, and my heart broke as I briefly considered the idea that she would not forgive me. But then she started crying too before running at me and enveloping me in a bear hug that I returned with enthusiasm.

"You idiot," she sobbed into my shoulder. "He may be my brother, but you - you're my soul sister."

I breathed a choked laugh. Because I knew instinctively that no matter how much my heart was hurting - it was going to be so much better with Alice by my side.

* * *

><p>Late update obviously, had bad writer's block on this chapter because it transitions the story to where I want it go. Should be better from now on. Review please!<p>

- The Romanticidal Edwardian


	4. Chapter 4

After making up with Alice, she insisted that she come home with me that afternoon, something I was only too willing to agree to. The previous week I had had nothing else to do when my homework was finished, so I had taken to cleaning the house meticulously to ward off any idle thoughts from entering my brain because of course they would be of Edward. They were anyway, but at least if I kept busy I could have minutes of peace at a time. My and Charlie's dinners' the previous week had been extravagant affairs that forced me to focus solely on the cooking, and then of course cleaning the accompanying mess. Due to my increasingly OCD state of acting, my house was now looking clean enough to do surgery in. But I hoped that having Alice over would give the place life once more. It had certainly done heaps to rejuvenate me.

She rode home with me in my rusted old truck and we fell back in to talking about anything and nothing, avoiding the hard things for the moment. It was in that brief space of time that I realized we _were_ a special brand of friend - "soul sisters" as Alice called it. It could never, nor would ever be difficult to be around her. We were just that way and nothing could come in between. I shook my head again at what an idiot I had been. But when we pulled up to my house I couldn't help but to ask her a nagging question.

"You're really not mad at me that I broke up with your brother?" I asked quietly.

She paused. "Bella, you're entitled to be with whoever you want to be with, and that's not anyone's decision but yours and you shouldn't be hung for it. That said, I _am_ mad that you broke up with him, but only because I _know_ you don't really want to so I don't understand why all this angst is necessary." She fixed a pointed stare at me, crossing her arms in my kitchen while I poured us beverages. I ignored looking at her. "So. Are you going to tell me _why_?"

I hesitated. I wanted to because I knew I would never be able to fool Alice, but at the same time...

Alice sighed, raising her hand against my pending objection. "I won't tell him I swear," she said. "This is between the two of you. He's already asked me and even though I wasn't sure before because _someone_ wasn't talking to me, I do have my theories. But I kept them to myself and stuck by your charade. So I think your trust has been earned."

I handed her the glass and took a sip of my water, considering. Glancing at the clock, I realized Charlie would be home soon and I didn't want to startle him by conducting any heartfelt conversations in the common space. "Let's go to my room," I suggested.

On my bed, her expectant stare didn't let up.

"I know," I sighed. "Okay, I'll tell you. And remember that you _swore_ not to tell him. Or anybody else." She nodded and I felt better about continuing. "It's just..." I hesitated. It was harder to say this out loud than to think it. "Edward is...special. He's going places and he's going to do amazing things, and he needs someone who can keep up..." To my horror, my throat was getting tight.

"Oh honey..." Alice whispered, eyes sad as she watched the tears start to fall down my face. Her arms were slung around me in the second, pulling me against her body. I breathed in her sweet smell of jasmine and gently hugged her frail frame back, feeling entirely grateful for the intimacy.

"And I'm not good enough Alice," I sobbed into her shoulder. "I'm not good enough for him. And we probably would've split up anyway when he goes to Dartmouth and I'm stuck at UW."

"Bella..." My heart broke as I heard Alice's voice start to shake too. "Why didn't you tell me you were feeling like this? You are _more_ than good enough, I really can't even fathom what you're talking about right now or why."

"I just don't want to hold him back," I whispered brokenly.

Alice was shaking her head but she was silent as she stroked my hair.

We cried together for a short time and it was a relief to not be hurting alone, as much as her tears killed me.

"I hate that you feel like this," she finally said quietly. "You're my best friend and you don't deserve it. Bella we all love you for a reason. And the college you're going to doesn't define that. That's not what makes a person, or what makes someone worthy of friendship and love, and it doesn't decide how much happiness you can give another person." She kissed my head. "You're really kinda crazy girl."

"I know," I said, hiccuping a laugh and blowing my nose as the tears finally stopped.

"Bella," Alice said seriously. "That is not a good reason to break up with someone you love. At the very least, you know you have to talk to him about it. He deserves a choice in whether you have a point or not too, you know."

"Edward is too good to think like that," I mumbled. "When it becomes an issue in the future, it's not something he would think about right now."

"Or maybe _ever_, and that's my point," Alice countered.

We were silent.

"You're _really_ going to stay broken up with him over this, without even telling him why?"

"I...I don't know." I sighed. "Yes?"

Alice was shaking her head again.

"You promised," I warned and Alice's hands went up in her defense.

"I know, calm down. But I just want you think about this."

I was hardly thinking about anything else.

"He loves you."

"He high school loves me," I murmured back. "It will fade."

"Hmm." Alice looked at me shrewdly. "Right. Well, in that case, how about I propose something to you? Give it a month. I won't push you to tell him anything or whatever, and you guys can just stay bitterly broken up. But after a month, if his 'high school love' is still breaking his heart and you are both still miserable, because _he is_, then I want you to promise me that you'll talk to him honestly. Deal?"

I hesitated, considering all the implications.

"If you really believe that he'll be better off without you, then this deal shouldn't be hard to make," Alice pointed out.

"...Fine. Deal."

"Alright." Alice nodded, grimly satisfied. "Then enough with the heavy stuff for right now." She clapped her hands together. "I'm pretty sure you need me to do your nails."

"And I need a facial," I added quietly.

Alice froze, shocked. I usually resisted her girly antics with a vengeance, so I could understand her amazement. "Wow..." she breathed. "You must _really_ be feeling guilty."

For the first time in a long time, I really laughed.

"Now let's get down to Wal-Greens. You have absolutely nothing for me to work with right now."

* * *

><p><em>It's short, but more is in the works to be coming tomorrow, me hopes. Alice and Bella just needed some bonding time and anything else would've been superfluous. <em>

_- The Romanticidal Edwardian_


	5. Chapter 5

_Big day, big surprise  
><em>_You're out with those bastards  
><em>_I'm sure that I saw you smile.  
><em>_So I came to stay  
><em>_With a tarred and a feathered respected and rearranged._

Summer of 88, Velveteen

I wandered idly down the Wal-Greens aisles with my mini shopping cart, figuring I might as well pick up some more hygiene products while I was here and thinking of it. I remembered as a child loving the small carts, feeling as though they were made specifically for my size. Alice was down the beauty aisle, picking up facial, manicure, and pedicure materials.

I picked up two different brands of shampoo, debating between my normal brand and another one I'd been contemplating.

"Well hey stranger," a voice suddenly said from my right, and I jerked my head up to find a grinning Mike Newton walking towards me.

"Oh, hey Mike," I said, going back to product selection.

"How's the math homework coming?" he smirked. I had texted him during sixth period that I wouldn't be coming after school, as Alice and I had already made the plans to go back to my house. I knew he had been a little put out by it, but nice all the same.

I groaned. "I have not started on it."

"Well you understood the lesson in class, right?" he asked, brow furrowed. He crossed his arms and leaned on the end of my cart.

I sniffed the new brand and contemplated for a moment, before holding it out to Mike. Bemused, he smelled it too.

"Surprisingly, yes," I answered. "At least, I think I did. I guess we'll see tomorrow by my number of correct answers." I held out my normal shampoo for him to smell. "Which one did you like more?"

"Um...the second one?"

I sighed in resignation. "Yeah, me too." I threw my tried and true shampoo and conditioner into my cart, making Mike sit up.

I started down to the snack aisle and Mike fell into step next to me.

"So how are you doing?" he asked. He asked me this almost every day now.

"I'm fine Mike," I sighed.

He chuckled a little nervously. "Sorry, I'm getting on your nerves now, aren't I?"

My voice was softer when I replied, "No, it's fine. It's not your fault anyway."

I threw some Flamin' Hot Cheetos into the cart and turned to look at my drink choices.

"So I've been wondering this...if you - " Mike broke off when Alice suddenly rounded the corner.

"There you are!" she shouted, throwing her hands up. "I need to put a bell on you girl."

"The store is so not that big," I countered, rolling my eyes. "It's not like you've had to search that hard."

I turned back to Mike. "What were you saying?"

"Just, that uh - " He glanced shrewdly at Alice, clearly not wanting to say whatever he was going to say in front of her. "Tyler and I decided that we're going to the movie on Saturday at the 8:20 showing, so we're probably going to car pool down there around seven. Sound good?"

"Sounds great," Alice said, her smile a little hard as she clapped her hands. "_We'll_ definitely be there." She grabbed hold of my cart and started dragging it and, effectively me, to the check-out counter.

"Bye Mike," I said, turning to wave. "See you tomorrow."

"Gonna bail out on me again?" he asked, only half-smiling.

I shrugged, feeling bad. "Probably not."

* * *

><p>"<em>Really?<em> Mike?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked defensively, keeping my eyes on the road as I drove us back to my house.

"_Mike_ is your new best friend? When that goober is so into you? Well, he'd _like_ to be," she muttered.

"Alice!" I cried at her crude euphemism. "He's just my friend. Am I not allowed to have friends? He's been really nice to me and has been helping me get my grade up in math. I don't see the issue."

Alice gave me a look like she couldn't believe how stupid I was. "Whatever Bella," she said sardonically. "Just you wait."

"Neither you nor Edward like him," I said, sort of laughing. "I've never understood it."

"Because Michael Newton is just...bothersome."

"I think he's nice. Normal. _Drama-free_."

"You mean boring."

"_No._"

"Yes."

"Fine!" I exploded. "Well then I guess I like boring things."

Alice snickered, shaking her head to look out the window. "No you don't, Bella."

* * *

><p>The next day was decidedly different in the routine that I had set up. Now that I was friends with Alice again, or acknowledging it, I couldn't keep avoiding the rest of my friends either. So I actually had to go to lunch.<p>

When Alice and I sat down, Rosalie and Emmett weren't there yet. But everyone else was.

Angela and Eric stopped mid-conversation when I sat down in my old seat. Right next to Edward. If he was surprised, he didn't show it, but Eric looked stupefied while Angela was just smiling approvingly. Jasper nodded, his attention on Alice.

"Hi guys," I said nervously.

"Hey," Eric said brightly, recovering.

"Welcome back," Edward muttered next to me. I glanced over and he was just staring, eyes dark. I noticed there were still circles under his eyes. He looked like he was noticing mine too.

I just nodded, not knowing what to say this close to him, and Angela started up her conversation with Eric and Jasper again.

Rosalie and Emmett finally joined the table, but stopped short when they saw me.

"Well. Well. Well," Emmett grinned, throwing himself into his chair across from me. "If it isn't Little Miss Vanishing Act."

"Hi," I said, laughing a little bit.

Rosalie didn't say anything, just raised her eyebrow disapprovingly at me. We had never gotten along well, and I think my choices had earned her definitive disdain this time, for some reason. Like it was any of her damn business. Oh well, I had only hung out with her for Emmett anyway so the loss was not so great.

Everyone fell into their normal conversation, but I had never been a big talker anyway, so my silence was not so unusual. Neither was Edward's. But I knew we could both feel the electricity between our bodies, sitting only inches apart. It was worse than in class. We both glanced at each other periodically. When our eyes met, Edward refused to be the first to look away. My hand twitched to reach out and hold his hand, or lean into his side, as I was used to, but I refrained.

Eventually, I broke our tense silence.

"So, um, Mike finally got the plan together for the movies this weekend," I said. "You asked me to let you know..."

Edward's mouth lifted just slightly at the corner. "Yes, I remember. So when is the movie?"

"He said it's at 8:20 at the Port Angeles theater," I started, and realized that I was gaining the interest of the entire table. "But we're car-pooling there around seven," I said to everyone.

"Oh, that could be fun," Angela smiled. "What movie?"

I gave the table all the details I knew and they started dividing their own car pool sections. Alice, Jasper, and Edward were riding together, obviously, and since Alice wanted me with her I got divvied up into their group, to my elation and chagrin. The other two couples were riding together as well.

"And who else is going?" Emmett asked.

"Mike, Tyler, and I think Jessica and Lauren."

"Ugh," Edward groaned at the last two, and I surprised enough at his break in silence that I giggled in agreement.

"I mean," I said hastily at Edward's raised eyebrow, "Jessica is fine on her own but with Lauren - "

"I know," he interrupted. "You've told me before."

I stared. "Why are you going?" I asked him bluntly. "You don't even like the actors that are going to be in this."

He tensed defensively. "I'm going with my friends - "

"You asked to go before anyone else agreed to," I pointed out.

"_You_ agreed to go," he said flatly, leaning closer and I glanced at his mouth without meaning to. "And you're my...friend, aren't you?"

There was a lot of holes going on in his story, like the fact that he hadn't agreed to be my friend at that point, but I was too distracted by his smell and the way he was staring at me to think clearly enough to point them out.

"I guess," I agreed reluctantly, and the bell was merciful enough to ring at that moment. I still had class with him next, but at least we wouldn't have to talk.

I quickly gathered my things and got up to leave. Edward was quick behind me. "You _guess_?" he asked, leaning down as he walked next to me. His arm reached out to open the cafeteria door, letting me go through first.

"Thanks," I muttered, "And I'm sorry. I _am_."

"Then why did you say 'guess'?" he hounded as we walked together.

"Why do you have to over-analyze everything?" I said, laughing with slight frustration as his hand brushed mine and I couldn't hold it.

"Because you don't ever tell me what's really going on in your head," he said, a little frustrated as well.

"Yes I do," I sighed.

"You edit," he accused. "You always have, and lately, you edit _a lot_. So you're going to have to forgive me if I feel the need to pry more."

"I don't _have_ to forgive anything," I muttered petulantly.

Edward swung himself into my path, effectively forcing me to stumble to a halt into his chest. I took a step back, dazed, as his hand on my waist steadied me.

"Neither do I," Edward said, eyes blazing as he looked down at me. "But I would, if you just told me the truth."

Whatever we were talking about before, we weren't talking about anymore. Taking a deep breath, I said nothing as I walked around him and through the classroom door. I heard him growl quietly behind me before the door closed and it was another minute before he followed.

* * *

><p>After school, I let Mike know about the growing members in his outing.<p>

"Okay," he said, struggling not to sound put-out. "So I'll be picking you up at around 6:45 that way I can swing by Tyler's too - "

"Wait," I interrupted before he could get too far, "I'm already riding with Alice."

"Oh," he said, not hiding his disappointment this time. "I see."

I felt a little bad. "I mean, she asked me first and she's my best friend - " I didn't even know why I was defending this to him. But it was nice being able to hang out with someone relatively new and distant from my current situation.

"It's fine, I get it," Mike said, and started showing me what I had done wrong in my last problem.

* * *

><p>Around six on Saturday, I poked my head in the living room where Charlie was watching some sports game.<p>

"I'm going out in a little bit. And I'll probably spend the night at Alice's," I said.

"Where are you going?" Charlie asked, clearly surprised enough to turn his attention away from the TV to look at me.

"To the movies."

"With who?" he asked incredulously.

"With friends, Dad, I do have some," I snapped. I guess I shouldn't have felt so offended by his tone; I _had_ been a recluse for the past couple weeks. But I couldn't help it.

He put his hands up. "Well, jeez, didn't mean to offend," he muttered gruffly.

"Sorry," I said softly. I cleared my throat. "And Alice asked me to spend the night, so I'll be back tomorrow."

"Okay," he said, turning back to the TV. "Remember to call, let me know you're still alive occasionally."

"Yeah yeah," I murmured, then ran back upstairs to finish getting ready. I put my hair into a high bun and pulled on some jeans and my black v-neck shirt. Then I froze, remembering this was the shirt I wore my last night with Edward. I hurriedly tore it off and pulled on a blue one instead.

Around seven there was a knock on my door and I opened it to see Jasper, to my surprise. Behind him I could see Edward's car running. Edward's eyes were on me but he was clearly listening to Alice talking to him.

"Alice sent me to come fetch you," Jasper said, putting his arm out gentlemanly, and I couldn't help but to smile as I placed my hand lightly on it.

"Bye Dad!" I called, and took the responding grunt to be a heartfelt good-bye as I locked the door behind me.

"What are they talking about?" I muttered to Jasper as we neared the car. He opened the backseat door for me, and I saw Edward scowling as I climbed in. Alice fell silent.

"Something we're not allowed to hear I guess," Jasper responded, smiling in agreement to my eye roll.

* * *

><p>It is all at once astonishing and amusing to me that everyone is so down on Bella without ever seeming to see the parallels between what she's doing and what Edward did in New Moon. Everyone keeps saying that she's taking Edward's choice in the matter away, but that's exactly what Edward did too. And yes, one could argue that his reasons were better, but at the base root of it all, both decisions were made out of personal insecurity<em> and<em> a lack of faith in the other person. The situations are different but the core thought processes are identical. Honestly, I love Edward to death, but he deserves a little taste of his own medicine.

Review please.

- _The Romanticidal Edwardian_


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